Identifying a Goomba

Gombas and
The Miracle of Forgiveness-

You are an idiot, I am an idiot. Oh, let us never forget the miracle of forgiveness! Without forgiveness, there would be no happy marriages. Good marriages are full of forgiveness and single people should never think joy comes without years of practice and patience. No sir! Arguably, courting today may require even more forgiveness, because honestly, who really knows what they’re doing here? (Nobody, that’s who!) From the very beginning when a boy walks up to a girl, opens his mouth, and proceeds to say something truly idiotic, the miracle of forgiveness must be implemented.

And the real challenge begins with determining wither you are currently out with a person requiring forgiveness or what I have affectionately dubbed a “Goomba”.
A goobma is a creature first introduced to the 1985 NES video game Super Mario Bros. It is a fat short round creature shaped like a shiitake mushroom (above) most commonly seen walking around aimlessly. It has no idea where it’s going, where it’s from, who the enemy is, or any instinct that it’s perpetually waddling around with a sour look on its face. They exist in our world. I’ve seen them. I’ve dated them. I have not run fast enough from them.


100% True Example #1: My date as they say, was looking to buy, not rent. After waiting for me to return home by sitting outside my door, he took me to an ice cream parlor where he used coupons he had found during his weekly trip to the local pool hall. Midway through the date he took the opportunity to take my hand to admire my fingernails. The part where he asked how I kept them so long, I was used to. The part where he refused to let go of my hand whilst telling me about his native country of India and how I should really meet his mother there next month, I was not prepared for. He plowed through this speech at top speed (not unlike a goomba) without taking into consideration any of the vehement “NO” signals I was so happy to give out. This was not a guy who made a little date faux pas that required benevolence on my part. Please identify and avoid goombas. Wisely.

Dating is hard enough as it is. Do yourself a favor and exercise a little judgment and forgiveness. It’s OK if your date has not yet been trained on the fine art of the telephone conversation and instead asks you out over Facebook chat. This might just turn out to be a wheat and not a tare with a little help.

I love when I come home from a bad date and someone says, “Hey, you never know!” I get to respond, “Sometimes, you do.”

Lesson: Avoid goombas, practice forgiveness: you’ll be a much happier date.

Happy Rendezvous!
~Miss Casey