Being a Jerk

I’m not sure about other women. But I do have to say for my part, I do not- you understand, do NOT (as in am not a fan of), have not (aka: never before), and will not (like “I won’t ever”) subscribe to the method of paying attention to and thinking well of someone who tries to get my attention by being a jerk.

I have no idea where this insane idea came from, that somehow smart and kind women and men would be attracted to insensitivity and nastiness- particularly when it’s directed at them. But there must be in a defective gene that makes people think this is the proper approach to another person’s heart. Being a jerk is not flirting.

For those of you who are insecure enough to use this tactless tactic, drop it. Just stop. Whatever it takes, get yourself out of the habit of insulting wo/men to get them to like you. This extends not only to dating but to making friends as well.

Once upon a time there was a guy whose affectionate nickname for me was ‘dorkus’. Naturally, it was because I was apparently the biggest geek/nerd/dork he’d ever met in his life. It was cute the first couple (2) times after I figured out he was teasing me. Kinda. Between jabs at my personality being too weird for him, I actually found him pretty pleasing. Funny and creative with a desire to improve himself. And when we’d talk about him, it was with a tone of encouragement, if a little sarcasm about how inexperienced he had been as of yet.

When it came to discussing me, the conversation was riddled with little thrusts about my appearance or clumsiness. Even the outrageous comments that were obviously meant for play, still hurt slightly, and if they didn’t, they increasingly started to get on my last nerve. Nothing was ever straight forward with him. It was all a game, a tease. I can only assume he thought I knew he liked me. But the truth was, I could only guess. And even asked directly-

“Do you like my haircut?”
He’d respond, “Maybe. As soon as you fix YOUR FACE.”

“I like going to the coin laundry, it feels so independent~”
“…feels so dork”

“I’m going home”
“Text me if you miss me too much”

Soon enough, he started to complain about my inability to spend time with him- I became increasingly busy. I was suddenly “lame” as well as a dork. Can anyone guess why I got so busy? Class? Please, one hand at a time.

This seems like an obvious piece of advice. But try to listen to yourself when you flirt and I think a lot of people will be surprised how often they fall prey to this blunder. It’s become too natural today to tease your friends we have lost sweetness. Find your honey, and you’ll be sure to capture more flies.

Ladies- I know it might seem cute to tease your guy, but a man wants to feel successful and smart when he’s with you. Not as though he’s never good enough. Be sweet. There is nothing worse to a man who works hard for you than a woman who can’t appreciate it.

Men- It’s not charming or alluring to tease your lady. Let her know you appreciate her. Even if you’re just kidding, your girl is not your buddy, roommate, or little brother. She is a woman. Be honest with how you feel about her frequently.

Never assume the one you love knows how you feel. Speak kindly. Being a jerk is not cute.

Not. Cute.

DS #3: Almost Othello

WHOOPS.

A practical lesson in forgiveness!
So I had a nice date last night! I won’t go into details but he’s very normal and not the jerk I originally assumed. I went in with low expectations because of an earlier insult I had received. You'd think that after someone told you time after time that you might less than desireable, why would you spend an evening with them?

This person and I had been talking predominantly over the internet to each other. I knew he was Chinese but the language thing didn’t seem to be an issue as we wrote back and forth. Good grammer, fewer spelling errors than me, very enriched in the american culter. At one point, I directed him to my facebook because he requested to see some pictutres of me. After a few minutes of browsing through my photos, makeing comments like, "What is with this picture?" and "What color is your hair anyway?" he came back to me saying, “You know, I thought you’d be intimidating but you’re actually pretty homely.”

For those of you unfamiliar with the term let me google the definition:
Urban Dictionary:
1. A word that describes people lacking in social graces and taste.
2. An adjective for objects that no one could find appealing except ironically.
Thefreedictionary.com:
Not attractive or good-looking: a homely child. Lacking elegance or refinement: homely furniture.

There are some other obscure definitions, but I’ve never heard them used before in any kind of complimentary way. I was a little shocked and pretty hurt (I moped for about a day and a half.)
The following day, once I’d gotten my ego back, I ventured a reply that stated gently:
"Homely? Really? Even if that’s true, I don’t suggest you use that on any other girl you’re trying to pick up on for as long as you live. "

He was lost on why that would be a rude thing. Is it wrong to say a girl likes to stay at home?

...I thought about it for a moment.

"You mean I’m a homeBODY? "

Actually, I’m really glad we got that all cleared up- he turned out to be a fine date. Although the cake binge wasn’t so bad, some guys are just clueless, and some girls get offended too quickly. Take some time before you completely dump someone- misunderstandings between men and woman are as old as time… like Othello. Don't be like Othello and throw away a perfectly good relationship because of a misplaced hankie. It only leaves you alone and makes you want to kill yourself. Trust me.

Bonus: if you don't get the litterary reference.

Pulling the Trigger

One of the major issues with the date story Wanderer isn’t that he abandoned his date and then replaced her, it was that he never established the actual date to begin with. One could argue the girl should not have been hurt because he never clearly asked.

In this case, I think we can appropriately identify the real problem as not “Pulling the Trigger.” Do it. In one explosive move …and it’s over. You await results.

This is the biggest way to determine if you are in fact on date or hanging out: Was the Trigger Pulled? And it doesn’t matter if it was done by the boy or the girl, you should still hear the BANG.

Bad examples:

“Are you busy this weekend?”
“What are you doing [date]?”
“We should go together.”
“Maybe we can do something together sometime.”
“Do you like [insert activity]?”
“I’ll pick you up.”

...Do you hear the distinct lack of a ‘bang’? That’s because there isn’t one. In some cases, there wasn’t even a question mark. You heard it, but the other person might not have. Or worse- the other person can hear you fiddling with your gun before awkwardly trying shooting them in the face. Not good.

The Mac-Daddy of preparation questions “Are you busy?” is, ihmo, the worst and most overused way to avoid Pulling the Trigger. You are trying to respectfully ask for someone’s time- always assume they might be busy. Think to yourself in positive terms that of course they have plans- they are an active and popular person. It’s embarrassing to have to admit you have nothing going on in your life, don’t make someone else declare it! If they want to be with you, they will be willing to clear their schedule for you. Most likely, they do have something going on- even if they have not yet planned it. Washing their car, playing Parcheesi, eating cheetos out of their navel. It’s their business. The real question is would they rather spend that time with you?

The second major issue with a question like “Are you busy” is you are holding them hostage- threatening, but not firing yet. They still have time to negotiate or bring in the SWAT team. If the person you’re asking has any kind of sense, they will recognize what you’re trying to do and their mind starts to spin:
- Are they asking me what I think they’re asking me or am I overreacting?
- Do I play dumb?
- Will I look like a loser if I say I’m free?
- Do I have to mention my D&D game?
- Quick, I have to make something up so I can famously cancel it!
- Wait, am I busy? I have no idea if that thing is this weekend or next…
- I have another date then- I can’t say that!!!
- Anything but a direct answer until I know what they want.

But if the person really isn’t clued in, they might actually not see the potential doom and answer honestly- of course they’re busy…why do you ask? But then, are they playing dumb or not?!

A plethora of other favorable and unfavorable responses none of which constitute a real answer to your question- ‘would you go out with me?’ Are you starting to see how important Pulling the Trigger is? Without a clear answer to your question, you have no idea what they meant and you’re back to square one anyway- but with more drama layered on top. Stop the middleman in this already awkward flirtation.

Good Examples:
“I’d like to take you out [date]. Are you busy then?”
“Would you come with me to [insert activity]?”
“I have two tickets to [event], would be able to go with me?” (‘with me’ is important!!!)
“Are you free to spend an evening with me this week?”

Did you hear that? It was a crystal clean sound of a date commencing. I know it’s tough to be so direct, but the likelihood that you’ll get a direct answer is 900% more probable. Unless you’re dealing with a date ninja- they can avoid bullets no matter how close you thought the barrel was.

The thing to keep in mind about Pulling the Trigger is only use it if you want an answer. If you’ve done your prep work and you feel primed to take this person out, then you should feel ready enough to do it right. If you’re not ready, don’t ask.

In the sad case the other person doesn’t want to go out, they’ll likely say no and you should thank your stars because they are not someone you want to be with either. As we say in sales, expedite the No. If that’s the end conclusion, then you’d rather know before they cost you 30$ to listen to a lot of complaining.

And do it boldly. Not because it’s impressive when a person knows what they want (it is by the way), it’s also polite. Go ahead. They probably know what you’re up to anyway.

BANG.

Ps. Please send me your favorite lines. I’m making a compilation.

DS #2: The Wanderer

I was accused today of something I think I should defend myself against.
A friend and I were talking about online dating (essentially) when he got a little on the offensive about our relationship:

“I wanted to ask you out for a while but you seemed to make a special effort to not be available...
Don't get me wrong... I get shut down all the time and it's totally cool, but most people will at least give me a chance and you and I get along great... there was no reason not to go out a time or two. but you simply wouldn't have it for whatever reason”


We are going to talk about perusing and how to make choices- and stop the wishy-washy hanging out.

I can explain what happened between this person and I quite clearly because I distinctly remember the night I put him in the ‘out placement’ file. First I’ll start with the date and then create a new entry for the lesson we learn from this.

This was barely a date. For weeks this particular guy had been hinting about getting together. I was hesitant for a few reasons. First- he was a little too handsome for me. That sounds dumb but specifically speaking, I wasn’t attracted him. He’d ask me pretty personal questions out of the blue and then wander away or accuse me of not being a real friend to him when I refused to answer. I hardly knew him and didn’t think he was right for me. But third, and more importantly I had seen him with lots of other girls and had heard plenty of stories about his flirtatious ways. I wasn’t a sucker for games but like most girls, I kinda liked the idea of being the one who caught his eye above all the rest. Stupid girl.

This kind of thing happened a lot:
A: “Are you going to the ______ tonight?”
Me: “No. I don’t know where it is.”
A: “I know where it is. I’ll come get you.”
Me: “Thanks, I’m not really interested in going.”
A: “That’s lame! Well, what are you going to do instead?!” (Btw- I loath that question.)
Me: “Nothing. I just want to go home and be alone. I haven’t eaten yet and it’s been a long day.”
A: “LAME. You always ignore me! What is wrong with you? Why don't you want to go out when I invite you? Lame!”

This run around was getting silly after several attempts and at one point he cornered me with the same situation.

A: “Are you going to the fireside tonight?”
Me: “Yeah, sure.”
A: “What? Well… can I pick you up at 7:30?”
Me: “That sounds fine.” I grinned.
A: "Finally."

You may want to note at this point, he never used the word ‘date’ or really asked. He just implied it.

At 7:35 he came and I was in his car, looking as adorable as I could muster within an hour. I tired to make it as comfortable as possible when we got lost, generally enjoy ourselves but neither of us completely comfortable. Why why why had I agreed to this?
We sat together, but that was basically the last thing we did together all night. As soon as the session was over, he spotted some friend he wanted to talk to and bolted. That was fine, I wanted time away from him to gather my thoughts and I didn’t blame him for wanting to see his friends. He reluctantly returned to me and half-heartedly suggested we make our way to the refreshments. I agreed and lead the way out. It was around the time I had almost reached the table of cookies when I turned around to find out I had been talking to myself for the last few minutes.

Apparently during a lull in my over the shoulder conversation, he had spotted more friends and left me. After wandering around for a while, I found him- with some other people. I guess I shouldn’t be upset at his abandoning me to a room full of older people I didn’t know. After all, it’s not like this was an official date. I found a dark room to sit in for a few minutes until I was brave enough to find him again to ask if he could take me home.

Not long into my search I found him walking towards me- with another girl with him. This girl was very nice and proceeded to follow the guy and myself back to his car. She obviously has no idea what was going on. But what was she doing? It wasn’t until we opened the doors and the girl still had not departed that I realized she was coming WITH us.

I sat in the back while the two of them talked in the front seat. They called back and asked if I was interested in hanging out more that night.

No, I said. I just wanted to be dropped off. When I got out of the car, the two of them were still talking. He did not ask me out again. I did not give him the opportunity. Even if this had been a hangout and not a date, I still felt very poorly treated.

In my next entry we are going to talk about what went wrong here- and it’s not just about abandoning your partner. That’s just too obvious.

the end.

DS #1: Pretending part3

Alright, I guess I should wrap this story up so I can start on the next one.

In truth, it was rough. After not listening to me about parking, we drove in a circle, parked, re-parked, and then found the place I had originally suggested. He complained about the price. So I offered to pay for it. “No, It’s fine…” He reluctantly said as he walked distracted to our destination. And by walked, I mean in front of me. Perhaps it’s a habit some people gain after being a lone for long periods of time, but my date was obviously not used to walking with someone else or taking care of where they were.

I know some guys make it a policy to walk on the side of the street at all times to protect the lady. That’s nice! Not necessary by any means in today’s society, but a kind (if awkward) gesture none the less. What IS necessary is to not LOSE your date in the crowd because of your (you guessed it) carelessness. Which seems to be the theme for this date.

It did however, give me a good view of what he was wearing. Wrinkled pants, wrinkled suit coat, over a wrinkled t-shirt, and dirty sneakers. I don’t have to say anything about this do I? Okay good.

The place we went to was Mr. Noodle. A place he wanted to try. Look, I’m not picky about this particular rule- but for those men who are reading this looking for tips on how to do it right, it’s polite to visit a restaurant before you take a girl. It helps that you don’t look like an idiot when ordering and you can recommend something to her if she asks. As well as getting a feeling for the place (to advise how she should appropriately dress) and how expensive it is. In general, for a first date- unless the goal is to try something new- don’t take a young lady to a restaurant you’ve never been before.

This guy was 100% negative the entire time. Negative, and also a poor conversationalist. That’s okay though because if you’ve ever met me, even for a minute, you’d know I happen to be a great conversationalist. So with a large platter of help from me, conversation flowed pretty easily. Halfway though our meal (which was only so-so btw), I felt guilty for making him do this. Maybe he was really set up and had no desire to see me? And here I was p0wning his evening with my stupid girly needs like EYE CONTACT. So I offered to pay for the movie. You may now roll your eyes at me but I really did feel guilty. He agreed. Idiot.

The movie I had asked to see wasn’t even playing at that theater- or any theater around us. Please refer back to the entry on planning. So we saw ‘Prince of Persia’ instead. Which turned out to be Disney-Decent. It put me in a good mood for our drive home.

I can’t remember if I mentioned this before- I admit to having a soft spot for guys who don’t know how to socialize and be with others. Oh lets face it- I really adore awkward people in general. Their honesty and attempts are endearing, and up until the end of this date I had assumed that that is what this guy was- inexperienced and sweet, covering up his insecurities with a negative and rather rude attitude. On a personal note- I’m not looking for a boyfriend who is THIS inexperienced (I don’t want to date someone I babysit) but I do have a talent for making bad situations like this into comfortable ones.

It’s just in my nature to hug someone at the end of a date. Handshaking is so awful in my humble opinion. No one ever said a handshake is rude, but for me it’s unnatural. You know I’ve had a truly bad time if I shake your hand. But as I said, I was feeling ok and wanted to get home in a hurry. He reluctantly walked to the sidewalk in front of my car. I hugged him (which he did not return) and I moved to open my car door.

SUDDENLY- he steps forward.

“Wait!” He says, his hand extended towards me as though the unconscious movement might stop me from climbing in and driving away forever.

“Yes?” I smile.

“I just want you to know…don’t fall for me too much. I’m not really looking for a girlfriend.”

I was dumbfounded.

This wasn’t a shy person who really was happy to be there. This was an arrogant jerk. I had been fooled. Biggest goomba of all time.

“Oh that’s OK.” I chirped. “I don’t date Non-mormons! Goodnight!” The look on his face I’ll never forget. One of shock. Like it was impossible not to have fallen in love with his lazy, thoughtless, selfish, discourteous, bad-mannered behavior. I couldn’t even believe such a person existed in real life. I was not in a poorly written sitcom, I was on a date.

If you’re wondering why this date has been labeled ‘pretending’ it because that’s what it was. Pretending to have any interest in each other. Which clearly, we didn’t. and won’t.

At least not from my side.

The end.

Ask Questions- Other people are Interesting too (Trust me)

Alright a change of pace, before I conclude my first date story I want to talk about a technique for ensuring a steady steam of conversation- this is for boys and girls.

Ask questions. Even if they don’t have a direct answer, it’s always something to go on. Asking questions presents an opportunity for you to show the things you’re interested and invite your partner to join you in them. It also shows your inquisitiveness and interest in being where you are. Talking too much about outside people and experiences may show you are not thinking about where you are at the moment. Asking questions is the basis for holding a dialogue- basically: I address you, you address me. And we build a nice house.

And we have to remember the point of why you’re talking to this person to beginning with- getting to know the person you’re out with. You haven’t forgotten already have you? Great. Well, the second great rule to Question Asking is to ask questions- ABOUT the person you’re with!!! You want to more about them, right? We are assuming you do. Think about the person your with. What do you know about them? What interests them? Why? How? Does this relate to you? How long have they felt this way? Is that so? (I love that inquiry because it sounds more like a prompt than a question. Their brain is still running on the subject you just posed, give them a little time to answer you and open their brain a little further. You’ll be surprised. A little patience after asking a question does wonders for a healthy conversation. Ask any reporter who does sit-down interviews. Wait for a full answer after you ask.)

As a warning, try not to ask too many questions that may be too private too soon. I admit, when I’m interested in someone I probe at special spots to test their comfortably with me. But the moment I sense the ‘line’ is approaching, I pull back the reins. It’s not worth it to know more if they will never confide in you again. And forcing someone to do it will inevitably drive someone away from you faster than if you had let it happen naturally.

There is also something to be said for comfortable silences- but that’s for another time.

Remember- nothing comes without practice. It’s nice to have this concept in your head, but it takes an expert to come up with enough material to save a really shy date. A good conversationalist is always thinking about the other person, not just about their own needs and interests.

When two people talk- it’s TWO people talking. So engage them with questions. ;) If you know what I mean.

DS #1: Pretending part2

Alright, so if you haven’t gathered the tone of this date yet, he did not act excited to be doing this... at all. Not even politely doing me a favor. Please remember this as it will be important to the end of this story.

But having some slight experience with men who have not dated a ton before (either because they are shy, a geek, or just homebodies [my brothers can be all of the above]), they have many motives for seeming rude. And hey, I like to think the best of people. So my instinct was to assume he was just nervous and was making up for it by pretending to be non-shalont. You see where this forgiveness thing comes in?

I decided to push through rather than hanging up. I offered we see Iron Man 2 since I had not yet. But I never saw the first one- if that’s Ok you help me along?

He groaned. “I don’t want to have to explain everything to you.” This was just getting better and better. Clearly this guy needed a gentle little shove out of the nest by giving him opportunity and comfort about the kind of person I am.

“I don’t mind. Look, how about this plan- You can go ahead and pick what ever you’d like to do and I promise to enjoy myself. No matter what. Ok? I get home around 6 tomorrow so give me a call then and let me know!”

Still a little upset, he agreed.

OK. It’s Friday. It’s also 7:30. I am sitting on my couch with the roommate watching “To Catch a Predator” fresh from a shower all prettied up with curled hair and a little flashier than normal makeup applied. After an hour and half late I ask my roommate if it’s OK to give up on him. She agrees. Then my phone rings. Of course.

Also of course- he has no plan in place. He knows this noodle place he wants to try and he thinks there is a theater near there. He doesn’t know the name of the place or where it is. And he doesn’t want to pick me up. After I do some (very clever, I might boast) research on what the HELL he’s talking about I find it. But it’s too late. He’s too bored already. And he doesn’t want to pick me up because I’m in the wrong direction. So I agree to go to his house where we will carpool from there to whatever place he has in mind.

I look at my roommate as I hang up. She’s looking at me with a critical look on her face. (She must have heard the part where I offered to drive the whole way since I had my GPS.)

“You’re not really going still are you?”

I was. But why, I can’t quite remember.

To be Continued....

DS #1: Pretending part1

OK, since I failed the blog contest, I’m free to post here as I like I suppose.

I an be bitter again, and not have to worry about being super positive and keep on the safe side of LDS opinion of cleanliness. Because, let’s face it if the blog was for an LDS website for YSAs (young single adults), then it’s probably being read by easily offended Utans with no sense of humor or reality.

On that note- I WENT ON A DATE FRIDAY. And it’s a great example of what we’ve been talking about- determining the difference between a goomba and someone who needs a little forgiveness.

Ok this whole thing started off pretty bad. I got a random FB chat from a friend (with a girlfriend) asking me if I’d be willing to go out with his cousin/roommate of whom I had met 2 weeks prior. He wasn’t LDS (a topic I’ll discuss later) and he wanted to know if it would be alright if he asked me. Assumedly, this friend hadn’t talked to his cousin about this beforehand.

I’m still debating weither this is true. This friend told me over and over, ‘he’s a really great guy- he just needs to feel comfortable.’ ‘He doesn’t get out much.’ ‘I really hope you guys get along’. If that isn’t a sign that this whole thing needed to start with forgiveness, I don’t know what is. But in the end, I agreed. What if my suspicions are true and he’s really just too shy to ask me himself? Again, I’m still debating weither this is true… You'll see why.

I agreed but only under the stipulation that he call me himself. I also gave him the little speech about how a man should be a man and the woman should be a woman. My friend concurred.

The next night (Thursday) I get a call while I’m out to dinner with friends.
This is where the trouble really began. [names have been covered for their own protection]

Casey: “Hold on, I’m in a restaurant…Hello? Oh hi G****! My friend said you’d be calling me.”

Date: “(BIG SIGH) Yeah Hi Casey. So I GUESS we’re being set up…So what do yah wanna do?”

...I pause. This is a bad start.
If you know anything about me this is my biggest pet peeve.
Never. Ask Casey. What she wants to do. On. Your. Date. Mental and physical facepalm. And he's making it overtly clear that he is not happy about this. But I stay calm.

Casey: “Oh I don’t really mind. I like lots of things. But listen, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Date: “(ANOTHER BIG SIGH) Oh I guess since we’re already here we might as well…”

Great.

To be Continued….

Planning. It's what survivors do.

Let’s talk about the importance of one of the great 3 P’s mention on May 1, 2005, Elder Dallin H Oaks. Talk, “Dating versus Hanging Out”

PLAN AHEAD.

100% True Example #2: One of the most wacked out dates I went on involved another couple. I can’t exactly say I knew who my date was supposed to be. (A lesson I learned and a story I’ll tell at another time, I’m sure.) It started off an adventure. We drove around for an hour looking unsuccessfully for ice blocks, lamps, and a picnic basket. The KFC bucket we bought was cold by the time we reached the closed playground which wasn’t made better by sitting in the darkness on a windy hill where our drinks would not stand up, forcing us to hold them or balance them against our legs. The other girl and I watched amused as our dates violently bust open with their teeth glowsticks and pour its liquid onto their Hello Kitty kites and jog back and forth trying to make any kind of headway between low-hanging park trees. This date ended at a movie theater an hour early where we had bought tickets for the wrong film, and we ended up in the wrong theater and wrong screening room. Were these guys insane? Or just new to thinking about things BEFORE it happens?

Now, a girl must always have a sense of humor about these things. I thought it was hilarious when, as we were packing up the sorry picnic, I discovered the playground they were looking for was open- just a few yards beyond out field of immediate vision. If you can’t laugh about silly mistakes, no one will want to laugh with you at all.

Turns out they were decent enough guys. The keyword here being ‘enough’. But even a little forethought on their part might have salvaged the date and saved me the trouble of constantly trying to help their disaster march onward.

Not planning shows distain and a lack of respect for the person you are taking out. I felt rather slighted by the idea that these gentlemen hadn’t put any effort into wanting to make in an enjoyable evening for me or the other poor girl I was with. A sensible date can forgive the little things that will inevitably happen, a restaurant will close early, the movie will be sold out, a shoe will break during a long walk. But a sensible date can also identify the difference between accidents and careless indifference.

The next time I climb into a guy’s car and he asks me where I want to go for dinner, I’m getting out.

Happy Rendezvous!

~Miss Casey

Identifying a Goomba

Gombas and
The Miracle of Forgiveness-

You are an idiot, I am an idiot. Oh, let us never forget the miracle of forgiveness! Without forgiveness, there would be no happy marriages. Good marriages are full of forgiveness and single people should never think joy comes without years of practice and patience. No sir! Arguably, courting today may require even more forgiveness, because honestly, who really knows what they’re doing here? (Nobody, that’s who!) From the very beginning when a boy walks up to a girl, opens his mouth, and proceeds to say something truly idiotic, the miracle of forgiveness must be implemented.

And the real challenge begins with determining wither you are currently out with a person requiring forgiveness or what I have affectionately dubbed a “Goomba”.
A goobma is a creature first introduced to the 1985 NES video game Super Mario Bros. It is a fat short round creature shaped like a shiitake mushroom (above) most commonly seen walking around aimlessly. It has no idea where it’s going, where it’s from, who the enemy is, or any instinct that it’s perpetually waddling around with a sour look on its face. They exist in our world. I’ve seen them. I’ve dated them. I have not run fast enough from them.


100% True Example #1: My date as they say, was looking to buy, not rent. After waiting for me to return home by sitting outside my door, he took me to an ice cream parlor where he used coupons he had found during his weekly trip to the local pool hall. Midway through the date he took the opportunity to take my hand to admire my fingernails. The part where he asked how I kept them so long, I was used to. The part where he refused to let go of my hand whilst telling me about his native country of India and how I should really meet his mother there next month, I was not prepared for. He plowed through this speech at top speed (not unlike a goomba) without taking into consideration any of the vehement “NO” signals I was so happy to give out. This was not a guy who made a little date faux pas that required benevolence on my part. Please identify and avoid goombas. Wisely.

Dating is hard enough as it is. Do yourself a favor and exercise a little judgment and forgiveness. It’s OK if your date has not yet been trained on the fine art of the telephone conversation and instead asks you out over Facebook chat. This might just turn out to be a wheat and not a tare with a little help.

I love when I come home from a bad date and someone says, “Hey, you never know!” I get to respond, “Sometimes, you do.”

Lesson: Avoid goombas, practice forgiveness: you’ll be a much happier date.

Happy Rendezvous!
~Miss Casey