Rendezvous Revelation!

An optomistic look at dating for 20-somethings in the LDS community. You're not a lost cause! ...You know, yet.


Ask Questions- Other people are Interesting too (Trust me)

Alright a change of pace, before I conclude my first date story I want to talk about a technique for ensuring a steady steam of conversation- this is for boys and girls.

Ask questions. Even if they don’t have a direct answer, it’s always something to go on. Asking questions presents an opportunity for you to show the things you’re interested and invite your partner to join you in them. It also shows your inquisitiveness and interest in being where you are. Talking too much about outside people and experiences may show you are not thinking about where you are at the moment. Asking questions is the basis for holding a dialogue- basically: I address you, you address me. And we build a nice house.

And we have to remember the point of why you’re talking to this person to beginning with- getting to know the person you’re out with. You haven’t forgotten already have you? Great. Well, the second great rule to Question Asking is to ask questions- ABOUT the person you’re with!!! You want to more about them, right? We are assuming you do. Think about the person your with. What do you know about them? What interests them? Why? How? Does this relate to you? How long have they felt this way? Is that so? (I love that inquiry because it sounds more like a prompt than a question. Their brain is still running on the subject you just posed, give them a little time to answer you and open their brain a little further. You’ll be surprised. A little patience after asking a question does wonders for a healthy conversation. Ask any reporter who does sit-down interviews. Wait for a full answer after you ask.)

As a warning, try not to ask too many questions that may be too private too soon. I admit, when I’m interested in someone I probe at special spots to test their comfortably with me. But the moment I sense the ‘line’ is approaching, I pull back the reins. It’s not worth it to know more if they will never confide in you again. And forcing someone to do it will inevitably drive someone away from you faster than if you had let it happen naturally.

There is also something to be said for comfortable silences- but that’s for another time.

Remember- nothing comes without practice. It’s nice to have this concept in your head, but it takes an expert to come up with enough material to save a really shy date. A good conversationalist is always thinking about the other person, not just about their own needs and interests.

When two people talk- it’s TWO people talking. So engage them with questions. ;) If you know what I mean.

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