DS #1: Pretending part3

Alright, I guess I should wrap this story up so I can start on the next one.

In truth, it was rough. After not listening to me about parking, we drove in a circle, parked, re-parked, and then found the place I had originally suggested. He complained about the price. So I offered to pay for it. “No, It’s fine…” He reluctantly said as he walked distracted to our destination. And by walked, I mean in front of me. Perhaps it’s a habit some people gain after being a lone for long periods of time, but my date was obviously not used to walking with someone else or taking care of where they were.

I know some guys make it a policy to walk on the side of the street at all times to protect the lady. That’s nice! Not necessary by any means in today’s society, but a kind (if awkward) gesture none the less. What IS necessary is to not LOSE your date in the crowd because of your (you guessed it) carelessness. Which seems to be the theme for this date.

It did however, give me a good view of what he was wearing. Wrinkled pants, wrinkled suit coat, over a wrinkled t-shirt, and dirty sneakers. I don’t have to say anything about this do I? Okay good.

The place we went to was Mr. Noodle. A place he wanted to try. Look, I’m not picky about this particular rule- but for those men who are reading this looking for tips on how to do it right, it’s polite to visit a restaurant before you take a girl. It helps that you don’t look like an idiot when ordering and you can recommend something to her if she asks. As well as getting a feeling for the place (to advise how she should appropriately dress) and how expensive it is. In general, for a first date- unless the goal is to try something new- don’t take a young lady to a restaurant you’ve never been before.

This guy was 100% negative the entire time. Negative, and also a poor conversationalist. That’s okay though because if you’ve ever met me, even for a minute, you’d know I happen to be a great conversationalist. So with a large platter of help from me, conversation flowed pretty easily. Halfway though our meal (which was only so-so btw), I felt guilty for making him do this. Maybe he was really set up and had no desire to see me? And here I was p0wning his evening with my stupid girly needs like EYE CONTACT. So I offered to pay for the movie. You may now roll your eyes at me but I really did feel guilty. He agreed. Idiot.

The movie I had asked to see wasn’t even playing at that theater- or any theater around us. Please refer back to the entry on planning. So we saw ‘Prince of Persia’ instead. Which turned out to be Disney-Decent. It put me in a good mood for our drive home.

I can’t remember if I mentioned this before- I admit to having a soft spot for guys who don’t know how to socialize and be with others. Oh lets face it- I really adore awkward people in general. Their honesty and attempts are endearing, and up until the end of this date I had assumed that that is what this guy was- inexperienced and sweet, covering up his insecurities with a negative and rather rude attitude. On a personal note- I’m not looking for a boyfriend who is THIS inexperienced (I don’t want to date someone I babysit) but I do have a talent for making bad situations like this into comfortable ones.

It’s just in my nature to hug someone at the end of a date. Handshaking is so awful in my humble opinion. No one ever said a handshake is rude, but for me it’s unnatural. You know I’ve had a truly bad time if I shake your hand. But as I said, I was feeling ok and wanted to get home in a hurry. He reluctantly walked to the sidewalk in front of my car. I hugged him (which he did not return) and I moved to open my car door.

SUDDENLY- he steps forward.

“Wait!” He says, his hand extended towards me as though the unconscious movement might stop me from climbing in and driving away forever.

“Yes?” I smile.

“I just want you to know…don’t fall for me too much. I’m not really looking for a girlfriend.”

I was dumbfounded.

This wasn’t a shy person who really was happy to be there. This was an arrogant jerk. I had been fooled. Biggest goomba of all time.

“Oh that’s OK.” I chirped. “I don’t date Non-mormons! Goodnight!” The look on his face I’ll never forget. One of shock. Like it was impossible not to have fallen in love with his lazy, thoughtless, selfish, discourteous, bad-mannered behavior. I couldn’t even believe such a person existed in real life. I was not in a poorly written sitcom, I was on a date.

If you’re wondering why this date has been labeled ‘pretending’ it because that’s what it was. Pretending to have any interest in each other. Which clearly, we didn’t. and won’t.

At least not from my side.

The end.