DS #3: Almost Othello

WHOOPS.

A practical lesson in forgiveness!
So I had a nice date last night! I won’t go into details but he’s very normal and not the jerk I originally assumed. I went in with low expectations because of an earlier insult I had received. You'd think that after someone told you time after time that you might less than desireable, why would you spend an evening with them?

This person and I had been talking predominantly over the internet to each other. I knew he was Chinese but the language thing didn’t seem to be an issue as we wrote back and forth. Good grammer, fewer spelling errors than me, very enriched in the american culter. At one point, I directed him to my facebook because he requested to see some pictutres of me. After a few minutes of browsing through my photos, makeing comments like, "What is with this picture?" and "What color is your hair anyway?" he came back to me saying, “You know, I thought you’d be intimidating but you’re actually pretty homely.”

For those of you unfamiliar with the term let me google the definition:
Urban Dictionary:
1. A word that describes people lacking in social graces and taste.
2. An adjective for objects that no one could find appealing except ironically.
Thefreedictionary.com:
Not attractive or good-looking: a homely child. Lacking elegance or refinement: homely furniture.

There are some other obscure definitions, but I’ve never heard them used before in any kind of complimentary way. I was a little shocked and pretty hurt (I moped for about a day and a half.)
The following day, once I’d gotten my ego back, I ventured a reply that stated gently:
"Homely? Really? Even if that’s true, I don’t suggest you use that on any other girl you’re trying to pick up on for as long as you live. "

He was lost on why that would be a rude thing. Is it wrong to say a girl likes to stay at home?

...I thought about it for a moment.

"You mean I’m a homeBODY? "

Actually, I’m really glad we got that all cleared up- he turned out to be a fine date. Although the cake binge wasn’t so bad, some guys are just clueless, and some girls get offended too quickly. Take some time before you completely dump someone- misunderstandings between men and woman are as old as time… like Othello. Don't be like Othello and throw away a perfectly good relationship because of a misplaced hankie. It only leaves you alone and makes you want to kill yourself. Trust me.

Bonus: if you don't get the litterary reference.

DS #2: The Wanderer

I was accused today of something I think I should defend myself against.
A friend and I were talking about online dating (essentially) when he got a little on the offensive about our relationship:

“I wanted to ask you out for a while but you seemed to make a special effort to not be available...
Don't get me wrong... I get shut down all the time and it's totally cool, but most people will at least give me a chance and you and I get along great... there was no reason not to go out a time or two. but you simply wouldn't have it for whatever reason”


We are going to talk about perusing and how to make choices- and stop the wishy-washy hanging out.

I can explain what happened between this person and I quite clearly because I distinctly remember the night I put him in the ‘out placement’ file. First I’ll start with the date and then create a new entry for the lesson we learn from this.

This was barely a date. For weeks this particular guy had been hinting about getting together. I was hesitant for a few reasons. First- he was a little too handsome for me. That sounds dumb but specifically speaking, I wasn’t attracted him. He’d ask me pretty personal questions out of the blue and then wander away or accuse me of not being a real friend to him when I refused to answer. I hardly knew him and didn’t think he was right for me. But third, and more importantly I had seen him with lots of other girls and had heard plenty of stories about his flirtatious ways. I wasn’t a sucker for games but like most girls, I kinda liked the idea of being the one who caught his eye above all the rest. Stupid girl.

This kind of thing happened a lot:
A: “Are you going to the ______ tonight?”
Me: “No. I don’t know where it is.”
A: “I know where it is. I’ll come get you.”
Me: “Thanks, I’m not really interested in going.”
A: “That’s lame! Well, what are you going to do instead?!” (Btw- I loath that question.)
Me: “Nothing. I just want to go home and be alone. I haven’t eaten yet and it’s been a long day.”
A: “LAME. You always ignore me! What is wrong with you? Why don't you want to go out when I invite you? Lame!”

This run around was getting silly after several attempts and at one point he cornered me with the same situation.

A: “Are you going to the fireside tonight?”
Me: “Yeah, sure.”
A: “What? Well… can I pick you up at 7:30?”
Me: “That sounds fine.” I grinned.
A: "Finally."

You may want to note at this point, he never used the word ‘date’ or really asked. He just implied it.

At 7:35 he came and I was in his car, looking as adorable as I could muster within an hour. I tired to make it as comfortable as possible when we got lost, generally enjoy ourselves but neither of us completely comfortable. Why why why had I agreed to this?
We sat together, but that was basically the last thing we did together all night. As soon as the session was over, he spotted some friend he wanted to talk to and bolted. That was fine, I wanted time away from him to gather my thoughts and I didn’t blame him for wanting to see his friends. He reluctantly returned to me and half-heartedly suggested we make our way to the refreshments. I agreed and lead the way out. It was around the time I had almost reached the table of cookies when I turned around to find out I had been talking to myself for the last few minutes.

Apparently during a lull in my over the shoulder conversation, he had spotted more friends and left me. After wandering around for a while, I found him- with some other people. I guess I shouldn’t be upset at his abandoning me to a room full of older people I didn’t know. After all, it’s not like this was an official date. I found a dark room to sit in for a few minutes until I was brave enough to find him again to ask if he could take me home.

Not long into my search I found him walking towards me- with another girl with him. This girl was very nice and proceeded to follow the guy and myself back to his car. She obviously has no idea what was going on. But what was she doing? It wasn’t until we opened the doors and the girl still had not departed that I realized she was coming WITH us.

I sat in the back while the two of them talked in the front seat. They called back and asked if I was interested in hanging out more that night.

No, I said. I just wanted to be dropped off. When I got out of the car, the two of them were still talking. He did not ask me out again. I did not give him the opportunity. Even if this had been a hangout and not a date, I still felt very poorly treated.

In my next entry we are going to talk about what went wrong here- and it’s not just about abandoning your partner. That’s just too obvious.

the end.

DS #1: Pretending part3

Alright, I guess I should wrap this story up so I can start on the next one.

In truth, it was rough. After not listening to me about parking, we drove in a circle, parked, re-parked, and then found the place I had originally suggested. He complained about the price. So I offered to pay for it. “No, It’s fine…” He reluctantly said as he walked distracted to our destination. And by walked, I mean in front of me. Perhaps it’s a habit some people gain after being a lone for long periods of time, but my date was obviously not used to walking with someone else or taking care of where they were.

I know some guys make it a policy to walk on the side of the street at all times to protect the lady. That’s nice! Not necessary by any means in today’s society, but a kind (if awkward) gesture none the less. What IS necessary is to not LOSE your date in the crowd because of your (you guessed it) carelessness. Which seems to be the theme for this date.

It did however, give me a good view of what he was wearing. Wrinkled pants, wrinkled suit coat, over a wrinkled t-shirt, and dirty sneakers. I don’t have to say anything about this do I? Okay good.

The place we went to was Mr. Noodle. A place he wanted to try. Look, I’m not picky about this particular rule- but for those men who are reading this looking for tips on how to do it right, it’s polite to visit a restaurant before you take a girl. It helps that you don’t look like an idiot when ordering and you can recommend something to her if she asks. As well as getting a feeling for the place (to advise how she should appropriately dress) and how expensive it is. In general, for a first date- unless the goal is to try something new- don’t take a young lady to a restaurant you’ve never been before.

This guy was 100% negative the entire time. Negative, and also a poor conversationalist. That’s okay though because if you’ve ever met me, even for a minute, you’d know I happen to be a great conversationalist. So with a large platter of help from me, conversation flowed pretty easily. Halfway though our meal (which was only so-so btw), I felt guilty for making him do this. Maybe he was really set up and had no desire to see me? And here I was p0wning his evening with my stupid girly needs like EYE CONTACT. So I offered to pay for the movie. You may now roll your eyes at me but I really did feel guilty. He agreed. Idiot.

The movie I had asked to see wasn’t even playing at that theater- or any theater around us. Please refer back to the entry on planning. So we saw ‘Prince of Persia’ instead. Which turned out to be Disney-Decent. It put me in a good mood for our drive home.

I can’t remember if I mentioned this before- I admit to having a soft spot for guys who don’t know how to socialize and be with others. Oh lets face it- I really adore awkward people in general. Their honesty and attempts are endearing, and up until the end of this date I had assumed that that is what this guy was- inexperienced and sweet, covering up his insecurities with a negative and rather rude attitude. On a personal note- I’m not looking for a boyfriend who is THIS inexperienced (I don’t want to date someone I babysit) but I do have a talent for making bad situations like this into comfortable ones.

It’s just in my nature to hug someone at the end of a date. Handshaking is so awful in my humble opinion. No one ever said a handshake is rude, but for me it’s unnatural. You know I’ve had a truly bad time if I shake your hand. But as I said, I was feeling ok and wanted to get home in a hurry. He reluctantly walked to the sidewalk in front of my car. I hugged him (which he did not return) and I moved to open my car door.

SUDDENLY- he steps forward.

“Wait!” He says, his hand extended towards me as though the unconscious movement might stop me from climbing in and driving away forever.

“Yes?” I smile.

“I just want you to know…don’t fall for me too much. I’m not really looking for a girlfriend.”

I was dumbfounded.

This wasn’t a shy person who really was happy to be there. This was an arrogant jerk. I had been fooled. Biggest goomba of all time.

“Oh that’s OK.” I chirped. “I don’t date Non-mormons! Goodnight!” The look on his face I’ll never forget. One of shock. Like it was impossible not to have fallen in love with his lazy, thoughtless, selfish, discourteous, bad-mannered behavior. I couldn’t even believe such a person existed in real life. I was not in a poorly written sitcom, I was on a date.

If you’re wondering why this date has been labeled ‘pretending’ it because that’s what it was. Pretending to have any interest in each other. Which clearly, we didn’t. and won’t.

At least not from my side.

The end.

DS #1: Pretending part2

Alright, so if you haven’t gathered the tone of this date yet, he did not act excited to be doing this... at all. Not even politely doing me a favor. Please remember this as it will be important to the end of this story.

But having some slight experience with men who have not dated a ton before (either because they are shy, a geek, or just homebodies [my brothers can be all of the above]), they have many motives for seeming rude. And hey, I like to think the best of people. So my instinct was to assume he was just nervous and was making up for it by pretending to be non-shalont. You see where this forgiveness thing comes in?

I decided to push through rather than hanging up. I offered we see Iron Man 2 since I had not yet. But I never saw the first one- if that’s Ok you help me along?

He groaned. “I don’t want to have to explain everything to you.” This was just getting better and better. Clearly this guy needed a gentle little shove out of the nest by giving him opportunity and comfort about the kind of person I am.

“I don’t mind. Look, how about this plan- You can go ahead and pick what ever you’d like to do and I promise to enjoy myself. No matter what. Ok? I get home around 6 tomorrow so give me a call then and let me know!”

Still a little upset, he agreed.

OK. It’s Friday. It’s also 7:30. I am sitting on my couch with the roommate watching “To Catch a Predator” fresh from a shower all prettied up with curled hair and a little flashier than normal makeup applied. After an hour and half late I ask my roommate if it’s OK to give up on him. She agrees. Then my phone rings. Of course.

Also of course- he has no plan in place. He knows this noodle place he wants to try and he thinks there is a theater near there. He doesn’t know the name of the place or where it is. And he doesn’t want to pick me up. After I do some (very clever, I might boast) research on what the HELL he’s talking about I find it. But it’s too late. He’s too bored already. And he doesn’t want to pick me up because I’m in the wrong direction. So I agree to go to his house where we will carpool from there to whatever place he has in mind.

I look at my roommate as I hang up. She’s looking at me with a critical look on her face. (She must have heard the part where I offered to drive the whole way since I had my GPS.)

“You’re not really going still are you?”

I was. But why, I can’t quite remember.

To be Continued....

DS #1: Pretending part1

OK, since I failed the blog contest, I’m free to post here as I like I suppose.

I an be bitter again, and not have to worry about being super positive and keep on the safe side of LDS opinion of cleanliness. Because, let’s face it if the blog was for an LDS website for YSAs (young single adults), then it’s probably being read by easily offended Utans with no sense of humor or reality.

On that note- I WENT ON A DATE FRIDAY. And it’s a great example of what we’ve been talking about- determining the difference between a goomba and someone who needs a little forgiveness.

Ok this whole thing started off pretty bad. I got a random FB chat from a friend (with a girlfriend) asking me if I’d be willing to go out with his cousin/roommate of whom I had met 2 weeks prior. He wasn’t LDS (a topic I’ll discuss later) and he wanted to know if it would be alright if he asked me. Assumedly, this friend hadn’t talked to his cousin about this beforehand.

I’m still debating weither this is true. This friend told me over and over, ‘he’s a really great guy- he just needs to feel comfortable.’ ‘He doesn’t get out much.’ ‘I really hope you guys get along’. If that isn’t a sign that this whole thing needed to start with forgiveness, I don’t know what is. But in the end, I agreed. What if my suspicions are true and he’s really just too shy to ask me himself? Again, I’m still debating weither this is true… You'll see why.

I agreed but only under the stipulation that he call me himself. I also gave him the little speech about how a man should be a man and the woman should be a woman. My friend concurred.

The next night (Thursday) I get a call while I’m out to dinner with friends.
This is where the trouble really began. [names have been covered for their own protection]

Casey: “Hold on, I’m in a restaurant…Hello? Oh hi G****! My friend said you’d be calling me.”

Date: “(BIG SIGH) Yeah Hi Casey. So I GUESS we’re being set up…So what do yah wanna do?”

...I pause. This is a bad start.
If you know anything about me this is my biggest pet peeve.
Never. Ask Casey. What she wants to do. On. Your. Date. Mental and physical facepalm. And he's making it overtly clear that he is not happy about this. But I stay calm.

Casey: “Oh I don’t really mind. I like lots of things. But listen, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Date: “(ANOTHER BIG SIGH) Oh I guess since we’re already here we might as well…”

Great.

To be Continued….