Rendezvous Revelation!

An optomistic look at dating for 20-somethings in the LDS community. You're not a lost cause! ...You know, yet.


DS #2: The Wanderer

I was accused today of something I think I should defend myself against.
A friend and I were talking about online dating (essentially) when he got a little on the offensive about our relationship:

“I wanted to ask you out for a while but you seemed to make a special effort to not be available...
Don't get me wrong... I get shut down all the time and it's totally cool, but most people will at least give me a chance and you and I get along great... there was no reason not to go out a time or two. but you simply wouldn't have it for whatever reason”

We are going to talk about perusing and how to make choices- and stop the wishy-washy hanging out.

I can explain what happened between this person and I quite clearly because I distinctly remember the night I put him in the ‘out placement’ file. First I’ll start with the date and then create a new entry for the lesson we learn from this.

This was barely a date. For weeks this particular guy had been hinting about getting together. I was hesitant for a few reasons. First- he was a little too handsome for me. That sounds dumb but specifically speaking, I wasn’t attracted him. He’d ask me pretty personal questions out of the blue and then wander away or accuse me of not being a real friend to him when I refused to answer. I hardly knew him and didn’t think he was right for me. But third, and more importantly I had seen him with lots of other girls and had heard plenty of stories about his flirtatious ways. I wasn’t a sucker for games but like most girls, I kinda liked the idea of being the one who caught his eye above all the rest. Stupid girl.

This kind of thing happened a lot:
A: “Are you going to the ______ tonight?”
Me: “No. I don’t know where it is.”
A: “I know where it is. I’ll come get you.”
Me: “Thanks, I’m not really interested in going.”
A: “That’s lame! Well, what are you going to do instead?!” (Btw- I loath that question.)
Me: “Nothing. I just want to go home and be alone. I haven’t eaten yet and it’s been a long day.”
A: “LAME. You always ignore me! What is wrong with you? Why don't you want to go out when I invite you? Lame!”

This run around was getting silly after several attempts and at one point he cornered me with the same situation.

A: “Are you going to the fireside tonight?”
Me: “Yeah, sure.”
A: “What? Well… can I pick you up at 7:30?”
Me: “That sounds fine.” I grinned.
A: "Finally."

You may want to note at this point, he never used the word ‘date’ or really asked. He just implied it.

At 7:35 he came and I was in his car, looking as adorable as I could muster within an hour. I tired to make it as comfortable as possible when we got lost, generally enjoy ourselves but neither of us completely comfortable. Why why why had I agreed to this?
We sat together, but that was basically the last thing we did together all night. As soon as the session was over, he spotted some friend he wanted to talk to and bolted. That was fine, I wanted time away from him to gather my thoughts and I didn’t blame him for wanting to see his friends. He reluctantly returned to me and half-heartedly suggested we make our way to the refreshments. I agreed and lead the way out. It was around the time I had almost reached the table of cookies when I turned around to find out I had been talking to myself for the last few minutes.

Apparently during a lull in my over the shoulder conversation, he had spotted more friends and left me. After wandering around for a while, I found him- with some other people. I guess I shouldn’t be upset at his abandoning me to a room full of older people I didn’t know. After all, it’s not like this was an official date. I found a dark room to sit in for a few minutes until I was brave enough to find him again to ask if he could take me home.

Not long into my search I found him walking towards me- with another girl with him. This girl was very nice and proceeded to follow the guy and myself back to his car. She obviously has no idea what was going on. But what was she doing? It wasn’t until we opened the doors and the girl still had not departed that I realized she was coming WITH us.

I sat in the back while the two of them talked in the front seat. They called back and asked if I was interested in hanging out more that night.

No, I said. I just wanted to be dropped off. When I got out of the car, the two of them were still talking. He did not ask me out again. I did not give him the opportunity. Even if this had been a hangout and not a date, I still felt very poorly treated.

In my next entry we are going to talk about what went wrong here- and it’s not just about abandoning your partner. That’s just too obvious.

the end.

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