Rendezvous Revelation!

An optomistic look at dating for 20-somethings in the LDS community. You're not a lost cause! ...You know, yet.


Being a Jerk

I’m not sure about other women. But I do have to say for my part, I do not- you understand, do NOT (as in am not a fan of), have not (aka: never before), and will not (like “I won’t ever”) subscribe to the method of paying attention to and thinking well of someone who tries to get my attention by being a jerk.

I have no idea where this insane idea came from, that somehow smart and kind women and men would be attracted to insensitivity and nastiness- particularly when it’s directed at them. But there must be in a defective gene that makes people think this is the proper approach to another person’s heart. Being a jerk is not flirting.

For those of you who are insecure enough to use this tactless tactic, drop it. Just stop. Whatever it takes, get yourself out of the habit of insulting wo/men to get them to like you. This extends not only to dating but to making friends as well.

Once upon a time there was a guy whose affectionate nickname for me was ‘dorkus’. Naturally, it was because I was apparently the biggest geek/nerd/dork he’d ever met in his life. It was cute the first couple (2) times after I figured out he was teasing me. Kinda. Between jabs at my personality being too weird for him, I actually found him pretty pleasing. Funny and creative with a desire to improve himself. And when we’d talk about him, it was with a tone of encouragement, if a little sarcasm about how inexperienced he had been as of yet.

When it came to discussing me, the conversation was riddled with little thrusts about my appearance or clumsiness. Even the outrageous comments that were obviously meant for play, still hurt slightly, and if they didn’t, they increasingly started to get on my last nerve. Nothing was ever straight forward with him. It was all a game, a tease. I can only assume he thought I knew he liked me. But the truth was, I could only guess. And even asked directly-

“Do you like my haircut?”
He’d respond, “Maybe. As soon as you fix YOUR FACE.”

“I like going to the coin laundry, it feels so independent~”
“…feels so dork”

“I’m going home”
“Text me if you miss me too much”

Soon enough, he started to complain about my inability to spend time with him- I became increasingly busy. I was suddenly “lame” as well as a dork. Can anyone guess why I got so busy? Class? Please, one hand at a time.

This seems like an obvious piece of advice. But try to listen to yourself when you flirt and I think a lot of people will be surprised how often they fall prey to this blunder. It’s become too natural today to tease your friends we have lost sweetness. Find your honey, and you’ll be sure to capture more flies.

Ladies- I know it might seem cute to tease your guy, but a man wants to feel successful and smart when he’s with you. Not as though he’s never good enough. Be sweet. There is nothing worse to a man who works hard for you than a woman who can’t appreciate it.

Men- It’s not charming or alluring to tease your lady. Let her know you appreciate her. Even if you’re just kidding, your girl is not your buddy, roommate, or little brother. She is a woman. Be honest with how you feel about her frequently.

Never assume the one you love knows how you feel. Speak kindly. Being a jerk is not cute.

Not. Cute.

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